Sometimes God Shouts

I am a firm believer that God speaks to us. Whether we are listening or not, his voice is all around us. In a rainbow or a child's spontaneous affection. In books & songs. He can whisper, nudge, talk, and when He needs to, shout.

There have been several times that he has shouted at me. It isn't malicious or mean, He is just tired of my inattention. Or sometimes, maybe He is just that excited. Whatever it takes, He wants me to hear Him. Like each time that I have held my babies in my arms for the first time. SEE, I'M HERE & I LOVE YOU. Or when we visited the campus here to explore the call Michael & I felt in our hearts. YOU BELONG HERE BECAUSE I HAVE PLANS. Or when I found out that I was pregnant at a time that would make me six months along when we moved 500 miles to said campus & lost our insurance. MY PLANS ARE MIRACLES. YOU DON'T GET TO CONTROL EVERYTHING. DEPEND ON ME. Like now.

I am mentally stable enough to know when I'm crazy. Not certifiable, but off kilter, in a funk. And that is exactly where I have been the last few days, I mean weeks, wait -- this last month. Basically this whole year. And it's time for it to end.

The "shouting" started out with one of the other seminary wives reaching out to me. OTHERS FEEL THE SAME FEAR ABOUT THIS CALL. I read a book she recommended that was fantastic & uplifting called "You Can Still Wear Cute Shoes". THERE ARE OTHERS LIKE YOU, DON'T WORRY. The book recommended blogging. I started one up then explored some that the author recommended. I cannot even recount all the things that I was helped with on some of those blogs. Just seeing the every day-ness in these blogs from women walking the pastor's wife trail was encouraging. I AM WITH THEM ALL & I WILL BE WITH YOU. One blog in particular has struck a cord in my heart. She isn't famous, her house is sometimes messy & she can admit it, her kids smear their dinner on their faces, climb on her furniture, trash their rooms. She is P.E.R.F.E.C.T! Perfectly REAL. And I adore her blog. HERE IS AN EXAMPLE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN THAT DOESN'T PLAY THE PIANO & ISN'T PERFECT AT EVERYTHING BY THE WORLD'S STANDARDS YET SHE IS GLORIFYING ME IN HER ROLE AS A PASTOR'S WIFE & MOTHER OF PASTOR'S KIDS. I CAN USE YOU TOO, IN ALL YOUR HUMANNESS, IF YOU WILL ONLY LET ME. If I still hadn't gotten His message, a Bible showed up in our mail the other day. Lol, I get the point.

I may not totally understand how this pastor's wife thing is going to go down or how my personality & shortcomings are going to fit into that role but I cannot keep doubting that God will make it work. He called us to this & he doesn't make mistakes. He has a plan.